THE GYM

Ahjummas, trainers, and crappy English

One of my largest pet peeves about Asia, is cutesy-nes. There is no way I will ever find a 30-year-old woman in a fluffy pink dress speaking in a baby voice charming.

So when I go to the gym in the morning, and specifically go to an empty aerobics studio to workout alone, it's because I don't want someone coming up to me and cheerfully having a conversation of pleasantries to practice their English. Which is why I avoid the new fresh-out-of-high school female trainer, who I'll call Trainer 1, because she likes to giggle and talk about shopping and boys, and just generally engages me on a level of cheerfulness that implies everything in life is peppy and super-awesome - not really sure how she helps people more than 100 pounds work out to get strong.

Some of the trainers are great - there is one guy who I'll call Trainer 2, who has actually taught me some really good exercises. And he is open about wanting to practice English - in a nice concise way - ie "give me one sentence to learn today" - which is more economical in terms of time, and is not annoying because he doesn't make me 1-skip my workout because he talks too much or 2-use a baby voice or 3- wear pink chiffon ruffles or weird 80s aerobics outfits.

However, this morning I was stretching in front of a mirror and I thought that me and my MP3 player were the only people on the floor. Trainer 2 literally popped out of nowhere and wished me a happy (Lunar) new year, then he changed the topic.

"Fat."
Huh?
"Body. Fat."
my body? his body? fat gained? fat lost?

I guess I didn't have a very pleased look on my face, because he immediately began talking about how he was training for some body building competition - and he has certainly bulked up in the suspiciously rapid way that makes me think CREATINE and STEROIDS and PROTEIN SHAKES.

But guess who else lacks cutesiness? Ahjummas.

I have developed the theory that the feisty, outspoken, brash ahjumma stereotype is a reaction to the repression that young Korean women suffered back in the day. Starving yourself over lunch with a black coffee or possibly a half a sweet potato? ANGER! Having to act like an innocent weak girl around your boyfriend so he doesn't think you're easy? ANGER! Having to wear pantyhose and "Sunday best" outfits every day complete with heat-styled hair, and having to get up extra early to get ready? ANGER!

After you're done your workout in the gym, you head to the sauna and hot tub area. There is one older woman who I see almost every day. When I have been having a conversation in English, she buts in and interrupts- even though she can't speak English. And she laughs at me in a loud brash tone for saying "I don't understand", and repeats my sentence over and over laughing. I get a huge kick out of the three layers of respect present in one instance of greeting:

Me: Anyong haseyo.

Other Lady: Anyongishimnika (other woman, older than me, but younger than her.... most formal greeting)

Ahjumma: Anyong.

Note that anyong is the LEAST formal greeting, and she is allowed to talk to us that way because she is older.

Which means the convo went something like this in English:

Me: Hello
Other Lady: Goodmorning
Ahjumma: Whats up

Every day when I greet her with an "anyonghaseyo" she nods as if she had been waiting for it, then she gives me my "anyong". Like clockwork, and the sky being blue, it's something I can count on to happen every day.